Don't Threaten Magnus
by emmyromain1998
Summary: A long one-shot: Magnus is feeling lonely because Alec is gone on a mission and decides to have a little fun but unfortunately it ends up more chaotic than he anticipates so he back tracks to try and hide the evidence before his Alexander comes home. Rated T for the party scene and some bad language so better be safe than sorry!


_**Hi everyone,**_

 _ **I've written fan fiction before but it's only been Death Note so it's fun trying something new! This is a songfic of sorts inspired by Panic! At The Disco's "Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time". I had the actual lyrics in the fanfic but i wasn't sure if that was allowed so i'm playing it safe than sorry so all the spaces with the breaks were supposed to be the lyrics! Hope everyone enjoys and if you enjoy you can review! I'm always open to comments!  
Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own anything, all the characters are based off of Cassandra Clare's Novel(s) and pretty much anything else that isn't mine besides the general idea!**_

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"Who's ready to party?!" Magnus Bane's voice boomed through his Brooklyn loft and a cheer erupted to answer his question as the music turned on. This wasn't a regular occurrence for Magnus; at least not anymore. He used to have parties all the time and was even known for it with the spectacular name _Magnificent Bane._ This was all before Alec. Alexander Lightwood; The shadow hunter who surprised Magnus every day from the moment they met. Alec is also the love of Magnus' life.

The shadowhunter never discouraged him from partying but Magnus knew his boyfriend didn't enjoy them as much as he did. Alec never enjoyed the massive group of people getting drunk and especially didn't like it when Magnus would get pissed drunk. The party was an exception to his normal (as normal as a warlock in love with a shadowhunter could get) life and it was fairly a spontaneous event as it was only supposed to be a small gathering but when does that ever actually happen?

Magnus would never admit this fact but he was glad that the party was bigger than he expected because he desperately wanted to drown his worry with alcohol. Alec had to be across the world for a particularly dangerous mission and had gotten in touch with Magnus scarcely. The warlock knew Alec would be home soon so he had some time to have some old fashioned fun before Alec got home

The bass from the music made the floor in the loft vibrate which is how Magnus liked it because everyone else liked it. He had a drink in each hand as he weaved through the mass of people, making sure they were having fun or had everything they needed. He wasn't sure how it happened but Magnus never was without a drink. He had 1…2…3…5… maybe 9 or 10? It was definitely more than five but Magnus couldn't seem to remember and he knew it wouldn't be a big deal because he had always handled alcohol so well. That is until he blacked out.

Magnus woke up with a groan but didn't open his eyes yet because he knew the world would be spinning. He had gathered that he was on the floor and only in a silky thong with no one else around him. He sighed, opened his eyes and decided to sit up when his phone pierced through the silence as it started ringing. Magnus jumped and this was when he realized he had a pounding headache thanks to his hangover. He found his phone relatively quick and saw 'sweet cheeks' on the name display. Shit.

"Magnus! Hey beautiful, how are you?" Alec's surprisingly cheery voice echoed through the phone as soon as Magnus answered but why was he talking so loud?

"Hello Angel. I would be better if you were here… how are you?" Magnus croaked out.

"I'm doing good… you sound weird Mags are you doing okay?"

"What? Of course I'm okay Alexander why would you ask?" Magnus tried his best not to sound so hung over and be as energetic as possible in that moment.

"I don't know you just sounded weird… whatever." Alec said casually. "Good news though; I'm on my way home! We are just finishing up at the Bangladesh Institute then will be making our way home. As soon as a portal is made I'll be back in New York then I can come straight home!" Alec sounded so excited to be heading home and Magnus couldn't blame him but why did it have to be today? Of all the days that Magnus had sat around with Chairman Meow and wanting Alec to come home, his boyfriend had to come home the day after a massive party.

"Really? So soon? That's amazing Alexander I can't wait to see you. Everything will be ready when you get home." Magnus murmured trying to sound seductive.

"Good I hope so because we are catching up on everything and I do mean _everything_." Magnus could hear Alec's grin through the phone and it made Magnus smile a bit as well despite his raging headache.

"I wouldn't want it any other way. See you soon baby. I love you."

They said their goodbyes and Magnus got off the phone.

"Awesome. No pressure then Lightwood." Now Magnus was stressed _and_ hung over.

Magnus put his phone down and started to assess the damage from last night. Most of his liquor that was visible to the naked eye was gone; who knows if it people had drank it all or if it was stolen. At this point Magnus didn't care; within a split second he decided to replace all alcohol missing with a snap of his fingers. He watched the shelves fill up with the alcohol that had been missing and made sure to leave a hefty tip for the liquor store; the alcohol situation had been taken care of.

The loft was not in a great state in general so as Magnus walked through his loft he would make sure everything was put back to where it should be not even worrying about dirt or stains yet. It was going so well until he got to the washroom and there was girl who looked about 19 passed out in the bathtub. _Of course someone is here. Why would this be easy to clean up—wait is that?_

"Lilly?!" Magnus exclaimed much louder than he anticipated but it still woke the vampire up.

"Do you have to be so loud? Seriously Magnus my head is pounding." Lilly groaned and complained as she managed to sit up in the bathtub. When Lilly was sitting up fully did she stared at Magnus.

"Why are you only wearing a thong Magnus? What happened to your costume?" Lilly asked; she seemed genuinely confused.

"Costume? What do you mean? I was only wearing black skinny jeans and a top with red sequences on it with lots of glitter. That's toned down for me and you know this. Now it was Magnus' turn to be confused.

Without saying anything to Magnus she pulled out her phone and showed him a picture from Instagram.

"At some point you switched out of your clothes and put this on because everyone kept calling you the king of partying."

Magnus stared at the photo horrified; he was wearing a top that said 'KING' on it, an open bright red waistcoat with a tight, black, glittery tank top underneath and, to top it all off, a bright red, silky thong. At least that explained where the thong came from. There were a million things running through his head but the biggest one was _Alexander can see this photo, he will know everything that happened._

"Lilly you need to delete this photo right now, Alexander—"At Alec's name Lilly perks up and begins drooling over him which caused Magnus to groan until he had a flashback of last night popped into his head. He heard the crowd cheering "Magnus is the king of partying! King Magnus! King Magnus!"

Magnus came back to reality as Lilly still rambled on about Alec.

"Yes he is coming home today so you need to leave. Now." He helped Lilly get out of the tub and pretty much got her out of the apartment as fast as possible. He knew it was a rude thing to do but Magnus also knew that Lilly were forgive him once Alec was back.

 _Alec_. Magnus only had a short window of time to fix everything that had happened the night before (including remembering what happened last night) and still be ready for Alec by the time the Shadowhunter came home which could be at any given moment.

Magnus did a quick sweep of his loft making sure there was no one else around and thankfully he was finally alone with the exception of Chairman Meow of course. The next step was cleaning the loft properly from top to bottom and get any stains or smells out of everything. This was an easy task as he just had to snap his fingers a few times and soon enough his party ridden loft was the cozy home he loved that smelled of sandalwood like his boyfriend. Magnus also made sure that there was food in the fridge and added little home essentials to the loft to make it look like Magnus had been living there for the past two weeks. Obviously all of that was true and the warlock didn't need to fake his presence but after the party he wanted to make sure it was strictly his presence only.

Once everything in the loft was sorted out he took to the scariest part of the cleanup; social media. The first program he took to was twitter and this had been the tamest of all. There were only a few dumb tweets and a few that just didn't make sense but Magnus could find a way to explain those to Alec. Next was Facebook and that was slightly worse as there were a few pictures of the party at Magnus' but he managed to delete them so he was safe there. Finally it was Instagram and that was the worst one possible; there were photos everywhere. Some weren't of Magnus but they were very obviously at Magnus' loft, there were some that were very conservative for last night and then there were the pictures of Magnus. There were videos of him falling, laughing, drinking, and singing. There were photos of people kissing him and him being half nude and that was only the beginning.

Magnus felt ill looking at all of these photos. How could he explain these if Alexander saw them? It wasn't possible to explain this situation without him finding out the truth and that was simply not an option.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T DELETE THESE?! MY LIVELY HOOD IS AT STAKE DO YOU NOT GET THAT?" Magnus yelled into the phone and he liked to believe that he was composed but that was a sad lie. Magnus could tell that the poor IT guy was trying to be polite as possible while helping Magnus.

"Sir, I understand that you have a lot at stack with your boyfriend as you said but I'm trying my best here. You're not giving me enough detail about what I'm looking for. Now I'll ask one more time; give me more description for what I'm looking for or give me names to look for on Instagram." The IT guy had a crackly voice that suggested he's a high school student which would have been impressive for Magnus in a different situation. The IT guy tried to be as nice as possible and Magnus didn't blame him at all; the warlock was being unfair if he was being honest with himself.

Magnus took a deep breath to calm him down before he spoke again.

"I'm sorry. I'm just stressing out. Um, there are going to be party photos that are very… uh… risqué. A few of the Instagram's would be vampirebitch1876 or magnificent_bane." Magnus said a little embarrassed with himseelf but if the IT guy was judging the warlock he didn't make it clear at all.

"Ah yes," The IT guy broke Magnus' train of thought, "they were of last night correct? With a lot of nudity and drunken antics?" The poor guy sounded awkward as he described the photos but Magnus was even more awkward when he agreed to the description.

"Okay give me a few seconds and I can delete them for you." The IT guy went silent and Magnus tried not to freak out at every sound that he heard from inside the loft and outside of his door.

"There we go!" The IT guy comes back onto the phone and Magnus nearly had a heart attack. "Everything is deleted or at least blocked from the eyes of… Alightwood"

"Oh perfect. Thank you… thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me I really appreciate the help. I'll make sure you get the tip you deserve."

Before the high school IT guy coulld say anything Magnus hung up and sent a fairly hefty tip towards the company in the boy's name. Magnus felt pretty confident about the cover up until he heard the door unlock and someone came in.

"Magnus, I'm home!"

"Alexander?!"

Magnus couldn't tell if his voice squeaked because he was terrified of his boyfriend finding out the truth or if he was happy just to see him. Either way he went to go see Alexander and pulled his beautiful boyfriend into a hug and held him.

"God I missed you." He held his boyfriend close and Alec returned the hug with the same fierceness.

"I know Mags, it was too long and I missed you so much."

There was a moment of silence in which the both of them just held each other in silence. Even Chairman Meow came out to see Alec come home so they spent another minute or two cuddling the cat.

"Did you do something different to the place, Mags?"

"What?" Magnus tried to stay calm as Alec casually looked around the place and as he stroked behind Chairman Meow's ears. "W-Why would you say that?"

"I don't know, probably just another redecorating phase or something but something just seems off." Alec shrugs and smiles. "Nice outfit by the way." He winked and sat down on the couch.

Magnus panicked but when he looked down at himself he was reminded of his flashy thong. Magnus sat down with a grin and stroked his boyfriend's leg softly. For an actually moment Magnus was starting to believe that he could go the rest of his life without ever telling Alexander about his party.

"It's almost as nice as last nights" Alec grinned and Magnus' heart sank.

"Wh-hat do you mean Alexander? I never sent you a picture of what I wore for you last night." Magnus tried to play it cool but he started to realize that the secret was going to come out any second.

"Oh I know; You didn't need to." _Here it comes…_ Magnus thought as Alec spoke. "I saw them online. They were everywhere." Alec paused and grinned more. "You look confused Mags; Before you managed to block all the pictures I saw everything. It looked like you had a blast."

Magnus stared at his boyfriend not sure what to do; was Alec mad? Was he being sarcastic?

"Alexander I'm so sorry. I never realized you were coming home today and I know you hate it when I have alcohol to help me cope but I couldn't help it and I gave into my urges and… and it was a bigger party than I anticipated." Magnus stopped his run on sentence to take a breath before continuing again. "Alexander I'm sorry."

Alec stared at Magnus for a split second before the shadowhunter burst into laughter. "Magnus you know I don't care, the pictures were funny and Iz and I died of laughter! It's even better because I have blackmail on you now." Alec grinned before he put the Chairman down and pulled Magnus close again. "You don't have to lie to me Magnus. I'll always love you, even when you're doing dumb stuff."

Magnus cuddled into Alec and half smiled, relaxing into his boyfriend.

"I'm so glad to have you back."


End file.
